My Pandemic Wino Rant
are a sober persons thoughts? I hope not.
I used to joke that when you’re happy in life, you usually walk straight past the self-help section in a book store without a second glance. The second you start scanning that section is when all your bells and whistles should go off, and you know it’s time to make a big change or visit a pricey therapist.
Unfortunately, the internet has made it a little more challenging to ascertain when the time is right to have your well-deserved nervous breakdown. Why? It’s because the self-help section is only one advertisement away. It’s thrust upon you because of every whisper you breathe into your smartphone. Every email you write, and yes, every charge you make on your credit/ATM card at “Total Wine and More.” Algorithms are following your every mood, and their creators are just aching to get you to purchase one of their many products or sell you an idea that will solve your problem.
Like everyone, I’m going a little crazy with this pandemic. My family is showing its true colors, and well, I don’t like it very much. They’re dismissive, cold New Englanders. And yeah, I’m okay with saying that! Because, folks, with the holidays upon us, the CDC is recommending we avoid large gatherings, and I think I should take advantage of that because I feel like visiting that self-help section. Like clockwork, the internet algorithms are reinforcing that thought!
To beat them to it, I copied and pasted the query output from my favorite algorithm designed by none other than Google and “Psychology Today.” I’m adding my two cents with asterisks to help us all get through this holiday that’s been accentuated by the piss poor year known as 2020. Maybe it will be therapy for me and a chuckle for you.
7 Strategies to Deal With Difficult Family Members.
Psych Today: Don’t try to fix the difficult person. Accept them exactly as they are.
**Screw that. It’s 2020. Everyone is going to want to forget this year anyway. You’re just pandering to their selfishness and making it comfortable for them to live it stylishly. Tell them what you really think.
Psych Today: Be present and direct. …
**Drink, baby, drink. After you’ve told them what you really think, you won’t want to be present at the moment.
Psych Today: Do encourage difficult people to express themselves. …
**Nah, they’ve been doing that their entire lives. 2020 is a year where they can shut the hell up about all of their problems. Guess what, we ALL HAVE PROBLEMS THIS YEAR!
Psych Today: Watch for trigger topics. …
** Everything triggers everyone in a family. What the algorithm is saying is that you should say nothing and watch TV or something. Nope. It’s your year, baby! Say what you’ve wanted to say. You’re tanked up, so why not.
Psych Today: Know that some topics are absolutely off-limits. …
**Huh? Like what? This election season and Dem/Con fight have blown that right out of the water. We’ve been at each other’s throats all year anyway.
Psych Today: It’s not about you — usually. …
** Well, this is true. They ARE assholes, after all.
Psych Today: Your own well-being comes first.
**It does. And sometimes, getting it all off your chest is the best medicine. And BTW, all of your above suggestions counter this one.